Meet Mercy
Mercy Thomas is the Mid-City Director at Footsteps, with experience teaching TK, preschool, daycare, and after-school programs. She has guided many children and families through the transition into school.
A child's first days at preschool rarely follow one perfect script. Some children walk into the classroom right away. Others need time, repetition, and many reassuring goodbyes. Both experiences can be a normal part of starting something new.
We asked Mercy the questions parents most often have about this transition. Here is her advice.
What do parents often worry about before the first day?
If you are worried about how your child will do away from home for the first time, you are not alone. Many parents wonder whether their child will have a hard time adjusting to a new environment, new people, and new routines.
I want parents to know that the transition does not have to happen overnight. Every child adjusts differently. With patience, consistency, and support from home and school, your child can gradually begin to feel safe and comfortable.
How can families prepare at home?
Start talking about school before the first day and make it part of everyday conversation. Walk your child through the simple routines around their school day: getting ready for bed, waking up in the morning, getting dressed, eating breakfast, and going to school. You can show them pictures of the school and talk about what their day might look like.
Short separations can also help. It may feel easier for a child to spend a little time away from a parent somewhere familiar before being dropped off in a completely new place. These experiences help children learn an important pattern: their parent may leave, but their parent comes back.
Before the first day
- Talk simply and positively about the school-day routine.
- Look at photos of the school together.
- Practice short separations in a familiar place.
- Remind your child that you will always come back.
What does a helpful goodbye look like?
At drop-off, it is completely normal for a child to have big emotions. They may cry, scream, or hold on for a hug because they are scared and do not yet know how to communicate those feelings.
Give your child a loving but confident goodbye. You can say, “I love you. You are safe, and I'll be back soon.” Give them a hug or kiss, and then allow the teacher to help them enter the classroom. A consistent goodbye helps your child learn that even though you leave, you always come back.
What if a child cries and then settles?
Think about how you might feel walking into a new place for the first time. You may feel nervous because you do not know what to expect. Children can feel the same way, but they may not have the words to explain it. Crying may be their way of saying, “I'm scared,” or, “I want to stay with you.”
If your child settles after you leave, that can be a reassuring sign that they are beginning to feel safe. Give them a loving, confident goodbye, trust the teachers caring for them, and ask for an update when you need reassurance. Your child is learning that you can leave and that you will return.
How long does adjustment take?
There is no single timeline that works for every child. Consistency is important because children benefit from knowing what to expect each day.
Small signs of progress may include walking into the classroom with less hesitation, interacting with a teacher or classmate, joining an activity, showing interest in toys or materials, or separating with less distress. Adjustment can take time, and some days may still feel harder than others.
If your child has not begun to settle after several weeks, talk with the school and teachers. Your feelings as a parent matter too. Communication between the family and school can help everyone understand what your child needs.
What might parents notice at home?
Your child may seem more clingy, sleep less peacefully, cry more easily, or become more emotional than usual. They may want to stay close to you or have more disagreements with siblings. These changes can be normal. Your child is learning to manage new feelings, routines, and surroundings all at once.
After a full school day, your child may simply need to recharge and reconnect. That could mean a hug, a snack, quiet time, or sitting together. You do not always have to ask many questions about their day right away. Patience, comfort, and a familiar home routine can help them feel secure while they adjust.
Can you share a transition that stayed with you?
I remember a child in my TK classroom who had a difficult time adjusting to school. The child was also learning English, which made it harder to communicate what they felt and understand everything happening around them.
The experience reminded me how important it is to stay patient and communicate with families. We do not always know what a child is experiencing. Sometimes their behavior is how they tell us something feels difficult.
I focused on building trust with the child and talked with the parent about what we saw at school. Together, we found small ways to help the child feel connected to home, such as drawing pictures for their mom. Those moments slowly helped the child feel more comfortable and confident. Difficult days still happened, but little by little, the child felt at home and became better able to recognize and express their feelings.
What is the one thing a nervous parent should remember?
It is going to be okay. This transition can feel like a lot for the child and the parent. That is one reason I am a big fan of school tours before enrolling. A tour lets you visit the school, meet the teachers, ask questions, and understand the culture and environment before making a commitment.
Finding a school where you feel heard and supported makes a difference. Teachers who take time to know your child, communicate with you, and partner with you can make the experience feel much less overwhelming. Trust the process, give your child time, and remember that you are not going through the transition alone.